Anyone would think it had been a long week!  Time has a strange way of skipping along without concern; and there you are with it in it; a part of it too, until one day you wake up and think about it!  Then it’s like ~  where did the time GO?!  Clear and not so clear memories jostle with one another while you try to figure this out but there is no satisfactory answer! Time is it’s own dictator and we are mere underlings who are run by it’s forceful motion.  Time either drags, or it rushes along so fast you feel you won’t have enough time to DO anything!

I have someone who chats with me on a regular basis.  The main topic is usually time, and not having enough of it! I suppose it’s a strange thing that this is only now making itself felt in any way in my world, because for years and years I had so much time I remained largely unconcerned!  Oh there was just one time I recall very clearly, when I became momentarily agitated on the subject of time, and age.  There was this New Zealander; Marci and she was connected to me via the job I was doing at the time.

There must have been some curiosity about me, because one day, she scrunched up her face up in a concentrated kind of way, head tilted to one side, while her rather beady brown eyes looked directly into mine, she said

” How old ARE you?…”  I was so surprised I went blank for a moment. But then I realised that it was not simply surprise that silenced my tongue! It was because it had been such a long time since I’d given any thought to anything to do with age that I was unable to answer! I was not sure! I really had to stop and think, and do a workout in my noggin! I gave back look for look, while her eyes remained glued to mine, and suddenly I announced that I was 34!  She looked back in disbelief! Her wicked brown eyes registered this reaction, and she began giving me a lecture about time, and running out of time and what was I doing?!  I concluded she was referring to being on the ‘shelf’ being single as it were, and she was lecturing me on how important it was to get going!

Until that moment, I doubt I’d had any thought whatsoever on the subject of age, marriage, or anything along those lines! I had simply been too busy for the last 5 years of my life having been working 24/7  –  volunteer work.  When I say 24/7 it was the kind of work that took so much time off the usual time, that you were almost set free of time all together!  I mean, the usual routine of life was on another path, and I was on this one which demanded so much of my attention it was like all those other considerations became unimportant!  So I really had given no thought at all to those issues – and it was great! But now that my colleague had brought up the subject, it had awoken a strange and reluctant view on things!

I can still see the look of disagreement in her expression: she didn’t believe me! Oh dear.  Well put it down to modern times or whatever, I know I didn’t look my age!  For example, when I was about 22, I was working in town, and this particular afternoon I’d been delayed leaving work for home, so I was about to walk up Martin Place when I spied the bus – my bus – coming along the top of Elizabeth street!  So I took off like a bullet! Now I’d always been able to run. It didn’t matter what I was wearing; as it happened on the day, I had high-heeled ‘platform’ shoes on!  I sprinted up Martin place tore across the road, and got onto that bus!   The driver, pop-eyed, must have witnessed my run, said to me ” Hey!  Are you in our Olympics?!”  I chucked but proceeded to pay my fare… One adult to Bondi Beach!

He gazed back at me, then at my hand holding the correct change, and then asked “Is that half fare?” .. He thought (he said) that I was about 16 years old!  He thought I was a school kid! I had to laugh!  I chucked again, telling him I was full fare, and paid and took my seat!  It’s experiences like that which made me aware I didn’t really look my age. Apparently it followed me through my twenties into my thirties as well.  In fact, it wasn’t until recent times when illness struck that I looked anything like my age!

So time, time and age, experiences and how one looks and all those things were once something I paid little attention to. It strikes me that I was better off when I had no attention on it at all! Now that I’m aware of it, I find it a bit annoying! I don’t particularly want to think on it all the time. I’ve known as I said at the start of my post, people who think of nothing else it dogs their conversations and thoughts all the time!  I think I’d rather let it be; and simply get on with things that need sorting, or whatever! The week rushed by and now Friday is on it’s way to the evening phase and I’m content.  Let time roll by, while I live and let live. To me, it’s the best way!  I hope you enjoy a wonderful break over the weekend.

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The garden gate

Image result for painting garden gate
 
 
Once upon a time – when the world was young (and so was I!) we lived in the very last house down a great long street. The street ran all the way from near the border of Como, all the way up to Jannali! But our house had a space all it’s own, even though there were neighbours; the space between those houses was enormous!  There was just one house on the side of Skillcorn avenue, which ran off the other big main road on the other side:Soldiers Road. So just one other house, then ours, then … the Aussie bush and a big crag of rock and bush, with trees, and tracks all through the bush for adventures for 5 children who were ripe for such things!
 
 
Once upon a time . . . there was an early morning dew . . . It sparkled and clung to the daffodil – yellow fence which hemmed in our little front yard. There were lovely flower beds, tenderly kept by my mother; and a great campha loral tree planted right in the middle of the outer edge of the garden in the front.  A lookout for an adventurous tree-climber!  The nasturtiums dancing gaily in the early morning sunlight; brilliant colours including deepest reds, yellows, oranges, white and purples: it was a pretty picture, one you looked for without realising it – it was just part of your day!
 
 
The kitchen inside the little house was alive with the family ~ breakfast was a very organised affair! The rolled oats were already on the back hob: mother standing by the stove with her favoured wooden spoon; stirring the bubbling mixture. She calls to me to come and take over; which I do. Fascinated by the erupting little bubbles – I used to think of them as tiny volcanic eruptions! 
 
 
The whole thing was very casual – bright coloured bowls were set upon the wooden table, cutlery winked with cleanliness in their setting: mother serving the porridge, careful not to spill any as she went around the table. In the middle of this setting a tin of of Golden Syrup: one of the best additions to a hot bowl of porridge, and yet, brown sugar was pretty delicious too, which was sitting next to to the Golden Syrup in a bright blue bowl: both were sure favourites with the family.  Sometimes there was raw sugar – in times when there was none of the other more favoured natural sweeteners! 
 
 
Once breakfast was over, and any early morning chores taken care of, there was the garden outside; and just beyond that was the garden gate! Five children all dressed in their outdoor gear, would trip through the gate; sometimes with the family dog, sometimes not; but always with an adventure in mind! If the dog was with us, we knew in advance that no matter what else we may want to do, the first priority was to take her for a walk. Since her arrival into the family, we’d all been so excited in having a dog at all: she was given to us by a city-dwelling couple who knew our father, who were unable to look after her properly. In fact, it was perfect for the dog living with a big family! She’d get lots of care and attention, and go for some pretty adventurous walks!  What a merry creature she was; our dog was already named by the couple: “Luba” and so she stayed with that name, however, she took on board many family nicknames, and there were many!  She’d come to any you called…..
 
 
  
The front garden was alive with brilliant colours – all the flowers nodding with petulant defiance in the summer sunshine! There was a soft yellow rose bush right along the front of the house; on one side of that were my darling little flowers I referred to as ‘ballet dancers’ on the other side were asters begonia and to tell the truth I have no idea what lay beyond that and along the other side of the house! Along the other side of the fence were gay nasturtiums, and green ferns; very pretty in the early morning sunlight! Further down towards the back yard there were lemon and apple trees, and a peach tree stood just outside the back fence – but of this I am not sure; it may very well have been inside the yard; just in the section past the midway section where a big hedge divided the very long yard! In the final section there was a clothes line erected for mother’s use; a very old-fashioned line with a cross on either side. 
 
 
I recall there were brilliant little buttercups along the front fence, and a selection of both white and yellow chrysanthemums! I remember these very well because every Mother’s Day; we’d make hot tea, toast, and put the lot on a tray while one of the boys would go into the garden and pick some of these chrysanthemums to place in a pretty little vase, the centre piece of the tray for Mother’s Day… Such celebrations were warmly welcomed too; and the home-made cards were duly gushed over; and one or two of them kept over the years; it was such fun reading these years later; especially one which was signed “The Grils….”  instead of what it should have read which was …’The Girls…’ So anyway, it read ‘ To mum, love from the grils…’
 
  
  
On a lovely summer’s day the garden gate beckoned! We were all so eager to go outside that gate; and often there was a whole crowd of the local neighbour’s kids; they’d all come over to play; we were famous for our games of cricket, tennis, football, and relay races!  Back then, childhood was a very different experience from what it is today.  Before computers, and the computerised games of modern times, there were these games; and the great outdoors! It was a delightful getting outside into the fresh air and sunshine to become involved in fun games with the local neighbourhood kids!  
 
I have many fond memories of our garden gate and the carefree days of our childhood.  Perhaps if things hadn’t changed quite so much, children today would have a vastly different introduction to life; there was time for childhood, and games; and neighbourhood children gathering together to create some fun these days I’ve noticed a lot of children rely on computer games and other indoor social media aps and goodness knows! If there were choices, I’d pick my own childhood and skip the modern intro.. it doesn’t have the same appeal…
 
 
 (c) 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Where there’s a will there’s a way

 

Where there’s a will there’s a way…. or ….Over the teeth through the gums.. look out stomach, here it comes!

I am laughing to myself. It seems exquisitely funny. I have been going off my rocker for a while now, trying to think my way out of an exercise issue. I am going great-guns with the ab do twist machine. Fabulous…. adding some resistance has made me grow in strength from my first efforts. But there’s only so much I can do physically via that kind of resistance exercise due to couple of problem joints I have: one in the elbow, the other in one of my knees. It’s so darned annoying, but there it is. I have to work around it.

In the same way, I have to work around limitations generated via my current condition. I’m pretty much chair-bound and the pressure tights are doing their job while I follow the strict shakes only lifestyle and gallons of water-drinking. I have to laugh again at myself! When I remember back to when I was a little bitty kiddo…. for example at some friend’s birthday party. It was Colleen Weber, to be precise about it: and she lived a few houses down the street from us. She was such a lovely kid: warm inside and out; kind, generous and adorable. She was my favourite childhood friend.

Anyway we were at her birthday party and I had this dilemma. I could eat fairy bread, and little cakes; indulge a party sized mini pie and franks, and crisps. I could only take so much however, I could never gorge on food: it simply was not possible. The funny thing was, I could not even do that, if I had a drink of ‘pop’.. Seriously! If I had a whole glass of, for example, Fanta orange, or ‘pop’ drink, well then that would be it as far as the party food was concerned. In other words, I could either drink a glass of orange pop, or eat some of the party food. I could never do both.

This rather strange issue followed me throughout my life! I found that if I had breakfast, then it would be very difficult to have a mug of coffee or tea! I could have a mug of coffee or tea but then I’d be too ‘full’ to have food on top of it! Admittedly, over the years, this has eased somewhat, allowing for some food, and a single small cup of tea or coffee. However, the truth is as far as a whole glass of water goes: it fills my poor old stomach like nothing else can! Imagine, I’m supposed to drink 2 litres a day. Oh my God.

Leaving that one alone for now, I’ll resume where I was headed with this post today. I was looking at getting one of those floor-level pedal exercisers. Why? To boost the cardiovascular function: that’s why! I realised in the last 24 hours, that mine is not being raised anywhere near enough with the current exercise routine. I can get it going with the ab do machine, but I cannot maintain it due to the pull on my joints! Anyway, I looked online for the kind of thing that might work for me, a floor exercise machine .. with resistance options. No good at all without that.

So I came across a really reasonably priced one and was on the point of running a self-appointed ad campaign (recruiting the necessary help to get it) when I came across a video on YouTube! This lady had made a video for her 74 year old mother, to get her a little cardio workout – in a safe way. Now I have been very ill indeed; and for some 6 months of intense sickness, so I was not sure I could take it but I thought, hey, why not try it and see…. I clicked the play button and away we went.

Half way though I was delighted to realise that while it was a bit of a strain, I was actually doing the exercises and not only that, I was keeping up with the instructor! How about that! I was so buzzed by this I’ve done another 20 minutes simply playing the same video and going through the motions, and once again, I found I could actually do it. Was I puffed out and sweating?! YES! I was!! That meant something very good to me: it meant I can raise my heart-rate without fear of keeling over!

Obviously I can use this video to do the 20 minute heart-rate raising cardio – and who knows, once I have worked on this bringing up to a point where I can do it 3 or 4 times a day without ill effects, then I may graduate myself on up the line and work out on a more difficult routine so I can increase the amount of cardio I am using to assist in speeding up the goal for weight loss. This is all in line with healing and becoming well once more. So the upshot of this as that I have found there is a way to increase the circulation to a very desirable point, and this will forward the plan for weight loss, building strength and healing my body.

This is the best! Without my natural bent towards solving all my problems I may not have looked far enough to have achieved this result.

Onward and upward!

(c) 2017

 

 

A lifetime in production

 

Image result for stage in small theatre paintings

 

 

A lifetime in production . . . . or perhaps, the production we call life?!

 
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts” 

–   William Shakespeare ” As You Like It”, Act 2 scene 7

 

 

I love this quote!
A clear definition of what life is all about.
Life ~ an unending play! We will all have different roles that will be played within our lifetime.
It is this interaction that defines the great script of life, the performances ~ the day to day happenings.
Yes we all have roles in life’s saga. It includes all genres ~ these cover the entire production and performance!
We have the great dramas, tearjerkers, comedies, parodies, slap-stick, romance, horror, suspense, love, broken hearts, to name but a few!
At the same time, we have the great “back stage” dramas… involving all the necessary activities which bring about this play. The ultimate drama.
These activities make it all possible.
So there is a great need of ..backstage’ and it involves props, lighting, costumes, catering, makeup, directing, organisation and organising, writing, plans, scripts, cleaning, and a million and one things that add up to the performance.
No one is exempt. Even though some of the players are unaware of what their roles are, they are still playing a role…..Some become ..star’ performers!

Sometimes we get stuck with roles we don’t want to play!
Modern life seems to dictate that these roles get swapped around more than ever too.

For example, mothers these days have become labelled “Stay At Home Mums” . Now once upon a time, it was a natural task to raise one’s children and keep the home fires burning., the family unit being the backbone of any society….

So there is a great confusion of roles in modern society these days.
Then there is the role of the provider. The provider spends a lifetime in the workforce, diligently working away to keep his family, etc.
But as I say these roles today are not as cut and dried as they used to be.
Children have a lot more to deal with in this modern rushing world.
Their stage has been changed a good deal over the years, and today’s youth are expected to know what they want to be . . . . before they’ve had a chance to mature enough to be able to think clearly about futures.

It can sometimes take half a lifetime to really find out what you want out of life, only by experience can you really know for sure, and even then it can change with new outlooks that developed with time.
Then there are those who have no set role – who have managed to simply coast along with minimal involvement. They swap hats at any junction, with great ease half heartedly taking on different roles without blinking an eye!

Now and then, you may end up feeling like it’s all too much.
The play is not going according to your idea of what you thought was ideal.
Or perhaps, your view of what defined “ideal” changed as you matured, and now you just wish you had an opportunity to step off the grind of the treadmill of life.

You know, take a break from a role you feel has taken over… one that feels too fixed or out of control.
There has to be a pit-stop to take that break when needed!
It’s like with an unending play, the actors involved can get pretty sick of the fixation with that one role.

You want time out ~ and it can be difficult to find a safe space wherein you may feel relaxed enough to take a break ~ take off the hat you’ve been wearing for what seems like too long. Is there such a place?

I suppose there is. . . . It might be as simple as going on a “vacation”….
Or perhaps it’s taking yourself off out into the garden, if you have one, and getting into a creative activity.
Anything that is NOT what you usually do in life I suppose could be said to be a place where you can step off that treadmill!
There are those for whom this appears to be absolutely impossible.
A sad fact and one that brings with it a great burden to those who are needing to find a way to be able to change things, but in a way that does not threaten their main role in life ~ so it stays afloat for the duration.
There are players who are in roles that suit them.
Then there are players who are forced into roles they don’t want… or who now don’t want to continue with one that no longer seems appropriate.

Finding a way to keep your role in life while at the same time being able to step off the fast moving treadmill will sometimes seem impossible.
Finding ways to deal with modern life such as it is…. Relieving tension and stresses of everyday events ~ an important skill which must be learned, if one is to survive the ups and downs such as life presents. Unfortunately, learning this comes only through experience mainly; sad, but too true! How many times have you experienced something and wished you’d seen beforehand what the possible consequence of such might have been?!  No wonder someone coined the phrase  … “to be wiser in hindsight”.
How very true. That’s just the way it is!

 

Life Is a Dress

Good evening!  Here I am, ready to publish another from my archives.. my files are chocka with blogs I have written… Here’s another one… Goodnight!

There is a huge dress shop sitting in the middle of the road in life.

Rows and rows and rows of dresses – the wonderful variety; shades textures contrasts day night afternoon wear, matching accessories – it is a place where you may walk in and try on anything you please so long as the size is right and the price – not beyond your means.

Life is like that. Selecting the right dress for you – the appropriate material for your seasonal change etc, the shade which will flatter your colouring. There are a few things to take into consideration, quite apart from the cost.

Unlike a dress shop, you might try on something in life and find it doesn’t quite fit you, or perhaps it fits perfectly but the colour is all wrong for you; does not bring out the best that is part of the whole picture of who you are.

Then there is the price. If you have found a garment and tried it on; liking the form and texture of the dress, you then discover the cost of such a pretty number is way beyond what you can afford.

Do you break out the credit card, or lay-by the dress?

Or do you decide that you don’t wish to go into debt – it is not worth it.

Life allows very little to be tried on and then discarded at your leisure. There is always a ticking clock – a constant reminder that you’re on the clock so to speak and in life there is no time! You take on a job for example. You find it doesn’t ‘fit’. But you many be forced to stay in the job due to financial commitments.

Sometimes you put on a dress –metaphorically speaking – and before you know it; you are stitched into it’s seams, and there is no way to free yourself from the dress, even though you decided it was not the right colour for you. Do you try to change the dress by dying it, or having it altered at the local dress shop?

What do you do when you have been wearing the same dress for an entire lifetime, and suddenly find that due to changes, it is now restricting your movements, and your sense of self. What would you do? Try to take off the dress, and find another more suited to your needs?

In life, wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy to try on certain things; while at the same time having the freedom to make a choice as to the suitability; and being able to discard it at will!

Too often we see the aspect of human misery written upon a weary brow; a dissatisfaction printed in someone’s outlook; or the face of apathy.

There are those who were forced into a dress in life that didn’t fit them; made to wear it and carry on regardless. How did they survive this kind of torture?

What makes a person find ways to extract himself from unwanted conditions, what courage does it take to undo years of experience – to walk down an unknown avenue and seek a new slant on things…

You would have to hope that anyone would have the chance to try things on in life, see if it suits them; and either keep or discard the thing represented in this post in metaphoric terms. It might be a job, a school, a friend, a marriage, anything at all.

You can’t know before you try what ever it may be. The best possible outcome would be that the wisdom gained once you have tried would result in you being enabled to go back into the dress shop, and select something else.

It’s all about making choices; but impossible to know before you’ve experienced what life has to offer.

 

 

© 2011

 

Ribbons thoughts, and tea…

 

 

I thought this image was so appropriate ~ that is,  for one of those endless ribbons of thought that are floating around in my noodle!  I told you that I was doing a lot of thinking. I had just finished the rounds this morning; that is, I go around and handle all messages that have been left on my guestbooks etc, and I also take time to send nearly 160 people a fun greeting to offset the disappointment that Monday feels to most of us! I was looking at images which featured Monday, with a fun caption. I found some too; hilarious! Then I saw this one (above) and it struck a chord…

 

In 2006, my life-long friend, confidante, personal-maid, cook, doctor, psychologist, and mentor left this life in pursuit of the next existence ~ if there is one. She was a firm believer in the concept of reincarnation; and I for one never doubted her; or the idea that we ‘come back’.. I just hope that where ever she came back, it was a trouble-free place, with a bright outlook and lots of ice cream!    I am of course, referring to my mother. Now I cannot promise you I have let it go. I know I haven’t! Who can let go their mother?! I keep her locked in my heart; and now and then, when things get rough, I call her to me….

It cannot be the same as being able to call her on the phone a few times a week! We had the best conversations!  I could tell her anything,  and everything!  Of course this has been irreplaceable ~ there just isn’t someone who could ever take her place – this was our strength; our ability to communicate!  We would also write one another – sometimes 4 or 5 times per week!  If I’d been keeping stats on ‘letters out’ and ‘phone calls made’ I’d have been in affluence for sure!   Seriously, we probably kept the post office going for years! I had a box of envelopes, stamps, special cards with funny or endearing or pretty images so I could send off something at a moment’s notice.

It covered all the usual holiday celebrations and what-not too! My mother was a chameleon too; in spirit and in other ways – she could change her colours and her mind, she could write a pretty good verse, and paint a wonderful image; she was gifted with all things communication. I suppose you could say I’m a chip off the old block and that would be pretty accurate too. I cannot say I paint as well however; her paintings were legendary! Not that I had no talent in that direction; I dabbled in oils, and there were some who wanted to buy my very first efforts on canvas! So as an amateur, I did okay; though I was never going to be on the same echelon!

Her paintings sold for a fairly decent price too; her work was admired and respected. There was so much about how we went along well together; I don’t think I will ever really find anyone who could replace all that she was to me!   In the area of being able to talk about anything; I guess this form of writing here on this site comes close to how I can sit here, and talk to you about …. most things! I can’t honestly say I feel as free to write the kind of things that I would have easily talked of with my mother; about all that occupies my head. However, it’s not so bad; I get to chill out here; and speak in a very open hearted way. I find ways to shift attention too via the varied and great mediums which invite participation of thought and action; and you can find my television running away in the background (for the sound of human voices when I’m alone) it keeps me feeling connected and ALIVE!

There are times when I have seriously wondered at life; trying to figure with it’s cruel design; and then I forget about it in the day to day shenanigans of existence and every now and then, someone does something to utterly surprise you! You know; something unexpected; something GOOD! I love that along with the cruel loss and sadness of life ~ such as represented when death takes those we love ~ there is a huge potential for love, life, and the creative elements are a saving grace! I have known people from all walks of life; but those who have a deep and enveloping passion about something which is important to their life and happiness are those who make such an impact on those around them; and it rubs off on us too…

So we find a way to offset the grief; we march ourselves off to various activities and occupations, reach out to others and, always look for that missing something; something like what it was to have a reflection of ourselves! In my world today, I am keeping this side of the cold air which is icy enough to keep milk fresh, outside the fridge (yes it’s true!) by way of wrapping myself thoroughly in a large soft caramel coloured rug.. it’s quality such a luxury and I am finally thawing and in a little while, I’ll make a hot drink and begin on chapter 3 of today! I hope you have your life in very good order; and most importantly, a person who represents ‘home’ to you in close proximity!

                                                                           

quote unquote . . . . the above post was written some time ago… a couple of years ago, at least! It is another that I kept on file… I thought I’d share it here today.. x

||||

. . . In retrospect . . .

 

 

 

Tuesday….
August 11, 2015

I cannot make up my mind today ~ at least, my inner core can’t make up it’s mind; hot cold, middle of the road kind of thing. I’ve had my coat on, off, on, off an extra nylon shirt (as it holds in the heat) then I’m back where I started; too hot, too cold, hot cold hot cold hot COLD!

Right now, I’m in a ‘too cold’ phase and so I’m rugged up in my maxi coat, it’s rather tight across the shoulders so typing is pretty awkward! How strange it is! I am talking about me again and it’s just such an unlooked for place I have arrived at in my life.

Once upon a time, every single moment was consigned to a particular action activity responsibility etc; and for 10 years of my life starting at the end of the 70s and ending at or near the 90s, I worked seven days and nights a week. Without pause. Without pay. (I was a volunteer) It was the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done in my life.

So anything after that would have to fall a little flat, if you get me. I’m still trying to live up to it even though 20 years have gone by and I’ve raised a child in the intervening years. I have a deep sense of calm on that score, because I did all I could, every single moment, to ensure she was encouraged, validated, adequately disciplined when necessary; able to pursue her goals in life, and always, a family who was there for her and who listened to her conversations.

When I was growing up, I always felt that anyone who listened to me was simply waiting for me to shut up. I made sure my girl never had to feel like that. And she didn’t. And she’s told me, in no uncertain terms, how much she appreciated the way I was there for her while she was going through school. I was given the works on how most kids don’t even have parents; they’re either divorced or single parents ~ and the kids would get home to an empty space…

She never had to go through that…. So I feel good about it. I don’t feel good about age, and ill health, but I sure feel good about my daughter…
I forgot to add (and the reason for the image in my post today) I love taking a nap – now and then; it’s just so soothing!!!! Blushing

– quote unquote

I don’t know what it is about publishing my ‘old’ blogs.. But I simply like doing it. It does keep the door open more often, as I haven’t been in the blogging zone for some time …. So it’s good that way. Plus – I am amused to see what I was thinking/feeling on August 11th, 2015!!! Well that’s about it for today.. Goodnight, Peeps!